Absolution
by Relyan
Summary: ObiWan and Jacen reach absolution during the ewok celebration on Endor. A continuation of the ideas from Legacy's End. Songfic.


"Absolution"

AN: This story was inspired by "Cole's Song" from the film _Mr. Holland's Opus_. It is a kind of extension to "Legacy's End".

Music that I listened to while writing this: "Confluence" from _Memoirs of a Geisha_.

PS: I typed the lyrics in after I wrote the story, so it is kind of neat how the two elements end up working together. I didn't plan it that way - the story came from what was already in my mind, as well as elaboration on ideas written in "Legacy's End". The Force works in mysterious ways, I suppose.

Clips of "Cole's Song" can be heard at and Search: Mr. Holland's Opus.

If anyone finds the entire song, please let me know so that I can post the address for others to check out.

Thanks. Relyan

X

_I feel ..._

It is night on the forest moon of Endor, and at first all seems calm. Birds, frogs, and tiny mammals are fast asleep, snug in their silvan beds. For an instant life appears to still. Even the midnight wind seems to cease its winding path and hold its breath.

But with a brief gust of newborn determination to outdo immortal time, the wind moves on, breaking eternity's short hold on the world, leaving rotted twigs and long-since fallen leaves spiraling gently in its wake.

_... that the love around me_

As if on cue, the forest comes alive. Dark winged forms take to flight, soaring high on the wind's invisible path through the sky and trees. Nighttime voices of insects shout to one another in warning of their enemies' flight, the varying pitches rising in a dull crescendo as they perform their nocturnal melody.

Towering trees loom closely in the darkness, their shadows stretching towards one another, adding to the barely penetratable void, and primitive senses emerge alert from the subconscious mind. Long-forgotten memories awaken in the form of the ancient fear that is ever-present with the descending of night.

_has come ..._

The wonderfully musty scent of thick, fresh earth and decomposing logs permeates the air, explaining in a single breath the wonders of life, death and rebirth.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, former jedi master and the last of the old order, soaked in the forest scene gradually, knowing that this would be his last opportunity to do so.

_... from another world_

Starlight straining through the thick tree branches flickered against his face, giving him an ethereal appearance of which irony was not lost upon the long-dead jedi.

How he wished that he could stay here forever, but a gentle tug from the Force that he had belonged to for the past four years told him that it could not be so.

_I have lost love ..._

Obi-Wan turned his attention to the youth - no, the man - approaching him. He was covered in darkness from the large trees and thick undergrowth that grew all over the tiny moon, and had not noticed the softly glowing jedi yet. Obi-Wan felt a discomforting mixture of fear and anticipation rise within him at the man's steady approach. He tried to force himself to be calm, but it didn't work. It would not be long now.

The man stopped a few feet from Obi-Wan. He was dressed entirely in black, which made it difficult for Obi-Wan to discern him from the surrounding shadows. Nearly shoulder-length dirty blonde hair framed the man's haggard and weary face. A few strands had fallen over his left eye, but the man didn't seem to notice.

_I have found love ..._

Obi-Wan saw that he breathed slowly and deeply, as if he had the air knocked out of him and it pained him to take normal breaths. The man's broad shoulders sagged with obvious exhaustion, and his right arm held protectively against his chest, supported gently by his free hand told Obi-Wan that he was wounded. Soft light emanating from the dead jedi revealed ugly, black marks about the man's face, torso and arms.

His clothes were also torn; his black tunic was ripped open and hung loosely from his limp right shoulder, and a large cylindrical object hooked onto his hip identified the man as a jedi. Due to his sinister appearance, Obi-Wan was shocked, and yet somewhat comforted, to see bright blue eyes staring back at him. Eyes that were so like his own.

_... from the moment you were born_

_Jacen ..._

The jedi noticed with a slight pang of guilt that the man's gaze was wary, almost frightened.

_What have I done? My son ..._

The man, Jacen, stepped closer to Obi-Wan. The deceased jedi had to force back a gasp of horror as he saw what a year, combined with the terrible events of the past few hours, had done to his son.

_I could see ..._

Jacen's arm and the blackened marks were the least of his worries. Deep, bloody gashes viciously covered his upper arms and an ugly purple and black bruise ringed his throat in a malicious mockery of a necklace. More wounds - lightsaber marks, the jedi noted - decorated Jacen's legs, but they were not as deep or frequent as those on his upper body. Still it was apparent that the man had just gone through a hellish ordeal, and was probably in an unimaginable amount of pain.

Paternal concern overwhelmed Obi-Wan. He wanted to tell his son to go to a medic, but he was too familiar with Jacen's irritating stubbornness (a trait he inherited from his mother, no doubt) to even attempt to suggest it. That, and time wasn't to be on his side tonight, as another gentle tug from the Force pulled him from his open inspection of his son.

_... a new beginning_

"Father."

The voice cracked and faltered, too dry and tired to continue beyond a single word. Jacen swallowed, wincing slightly as the saliva scraped painfully down his parched throat. He tried to speak again.

_come to me ..._

"Father, why -" Jacen's mouth closed as his traitorous lips refused to form another word.

He ducked his head - it was a quick movement that betrayed his exhaustion and frustration - and when he lifted his head to meet his father's gaze confusion and distress stared at Obi-Wan from accusing blue eyes.

_... let me tell you how_

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The words sliced through Obi-Wan like a frigid knife, and he shivered involuntarily as he remembered the circumstances in which those words had been uttered before.

_how I've lost love ..._

Luke, bruised and battered after his duel with Vader ... Jacen, disoriented and fearful as he was taken as a prisoner aboard Vader's ship, the _Executor_ ...

Both boys had called out to him to save them, to give them hope. But he had ignored their distress. He had warned Luke, and tried to stop Jacen from running after that bounty hunter, but they refused to listen. They had chosen their paths, and Obi-Wan could do nothing to help or hinder them.

_... how I've found love_

But Jacen knew that. His son's eyes reflected a sorrow that was deeper than all which had befallen him in his young life. He wanted to know why his father had abandoned him, why he was meant to face the horrors of the human race alone.

Obi-Wan had no answer that would satisfy the worn and vulnerable man in front of him. For the first time in his existence, the time-wearied explanation that 'the Force willed it so' repulsed him and he quickly shied from that reason.

_In a world of broken dreams ..._

In truth, everything that he had done since that long-passed day on Tatooine had been from one motivation: love.

From the moment he realized that Jacen was _his son_, his plans had changed. He had thought to train the boy to defeat the Emperor and his lapdog, Vader, but one brief glance at the boy's clear blue eyes - as innocent as his own must have been, so long ago - and he had swiftly discarded those ideas. Paternal emotions that he didn't even realize he had rose to the surface and had consumed his body. It was so overwhelming that he'd had to sit down.

_... I was wrong_

Jacen, with his unruly blonde hair, blue eyes and face full of the carefree attitude of youth - who was nearly a man by the time Obi-Wan found him - had made him realize in an instant that he could not, and would not, destroy the cheerful innocence of his son just yet. He would wait until Jacen was a bit older before burdening him with the responsibilities that came with being a jedi, and being his only child.

Even his death on the Empire's first superweapon had been done so that Jacen's confrontation with Vader would be delayed, and he could remain innocent and free for a little bit longer.

_to deny your feelings ..._

But he had grossly underestimated the depth of Jacen's grief at losing both parents so quickly. Two days! Two! If he had only known his son a while longer ...

He had believed that surrounded by friends, Jacen would overcome his sorrow. But he had made the mistake of forgetting that Jacen was little more than a boy, and had not had the time to gain the maturity required to deal with the pain of losing his family.

_... and I'm sorry _

_I am sorry, my son._

When Obi-Wan spoke, his voice was calm, but a heavy sense of regret lined his words.

"I wanted to spare you the responsibility of being a jedi, and the pain. You were so young ..." Obi-Wan paused as he searched for the right words. "I wanted you to remain innocent for as long as possible."

_if I've caused you pain ... _

_Forgive me._

Jacen's eyes flickered down for a moment and then back up at his father. He gazed at his father for a while before focusing on some point beyond Obi-Wan's glowing form. Jacen's head was turned so that his left eye was facing Obi-Wan, and the jedi noticed that it seemed strangely out of focus. It stared at nothing, as if the forest and the movement of animals through the undergrowth weren't there, as if he could _see _nothing.

_... I was lost and _

With a silent gasp Obi-Wan realized the awful truth.

_He can't see. My son is blind._

From his shock of his discovery, Obi-Wan didn't pause to think as he mentally reached out to his son, his paternal instincts driving him to comfort Jacen.

_so confused and ..._

Immediately his mind was bombarded with images and emotions that were so intense that, if they could, would have knocked the wind out of him. The fierceness of these feelings was so great that Obi-Wan felt as if he was being suffocated by their might.

In a period of seconds which felt like years, Obi-Wan witnessed dozens of memories: four-year-old Jacen following the long-dead Bail Organa, longing to call this big, strong man 'father'; the same boy asking his mother where his father was; Jacen, hiding under a table somewhere in the palace on Alderaan, struggling to understand why he didn't have a father like everyone else ...

_... I believed that you would change that _

... the shock, and then absolute joy that consumed a 17-year-old Jacen as he met his father for the first time; the painful rendering of their bond as Jacen witnessed his father's murder ...

... Jacen's near-paralyzing fear as he battled with Vader on Cloud City; the scorching pain that marked the loss of his eye to Vader's saber; his pure, unchecked terror as he was brought aboard Vader's flagship ...

_with a broken heart ..._

... crying in an Imperial cell; withstanding the brutality of torture; Vader tearing down his mental defenses; the Emperor ripping his mind to shreds; Jacen's despair at suffering alone and failing his father ...

... the day he first forsook his father, the day he turned to the Dark Side ...

_... we can mend _

... his first glimpse of his father in two years, and the delightful warmth which filled him on seeing his father - that inner peculiarity named love.

It took Obi-Wan some time to understand that the images were coming from Jacen. He felt helpless. It didn't seem right that Jacen should have had to suffer for something that he couldn't control - being the son of the jedi knight who trained Darth Vader.

_through the music ..._

He sent a wave of comfort to Jacen through the Force, and as he did so Obi-Wan again felt the gentle, yet insistent pull of the Force.

At the same time that he tried to ignore what the Force was telling him, Jacen turned around to face his father.

_... we learn to love again _

Reflected in those eyes was the knowledge of all that Obi-Wan had witnessed, and instead of being annoyed with his father's intrusion into his memories, Jacen smiled.

"Thank you, father."

_through the silence ..._

The simple declaration astounded Obi-Wan. Those three words carried so much: gratitude, respect, regret, and acceptance for all that had passed between them. And most importantly, love.

And that was everything.

_... through the years _

For an instant, the happy and innocent boy Jacen had been four years ago flickered to the surface and Obi-Wan was filled with a sense of awed contentment as he gazed at his son.

In Jacen's countenance was reflected final acceptance for everything that had occurred in his brief twenty-one years of existence. The many cuts and bruises which marred Jacen's worn and weary face only enhanced the sense of wisdom expressed there, for wisdom does not come without arduous experience.

_there were times ..._

Jacen blinked and, like a gust of wind breaking the smooth surface of still water, the innocently sagacious man-boy was gone and in his place stood proud but tired Jacen Rhodes, recently redeemed jedi knight and loving son.

Obi-Wan returned his son's smile, again ignoring the urgent call of the Force. It was stronger this time. More insistent.

_No! _Obi-Wan told the Force desperately. _I need more time!_

_... when I just couldn't tell you _

Jacen seemed to pick up on his father's distress; his blue eyes flashed and narrowed in warning, and he opened his mouth to speak but stopped as quiet sounds of a celebration happening deep within the forest reached his ears.

The music was primitive but joyful. Obi-Wan instinctively knew that it came from the ewok village and a spark of recognition in Jacen's eyes told him that the youth knew it as well.

_now we've come ..._

A celebration; a victory not unlike the one on Yavin IV so long ago, when two young men took their first steps on destiny's winding and unpredictable path.

The dead jedi looked at the strong, self-confident and capable man before him and marveled at how much had changed in four short years. An experienced and much more cautious - but no less deadly - man had replaced the once headstrong and uncertain youth.

_... to an understanding_

Obi-Wan was fiercely proud of his son and loved him desperately, despite all his faults and imperfections. And he knew that Jacen returned his affections wholeheartedly.

With his words of thanks, Jacen had forgiven his father for all of his mistakes and misdeeds, including those that were purposefully given.

_and I'm sorry ..._

Obi-Wan's experience with fate had taught him that destiny is a strange thing, as unpredictable as a herd of bantha in a snowstorm. He had thought that too much knowledge would only burden Jacen, even though on some subconscious level he knew that his son could not cope without it.

The results of what he had thought of as carefully placed and cautiously omitted truths had been disastrous - Luke had nearly lost faith in his mentor and the jedi, and Jacen had fallen victim to the subtle lurings of the dark side of the Force.

_... that we took so long_

An ethereal breeze swept behind the dead jedi, and the very voice of the Force whispered in his ear.

_No one can tell what compels them to choose one path over another. All we can do is walk proudly on our chosen path._

_I have lost love ..._

The words of his former master eased Obi-Wan's purportless musings and he returned his focus to Jacen.

There was so much to tell the young man, but there just wasn't enough time. So he concentrated on what was most important.

_... I have found love _

"Jacen," Obi-Wan said, shifting so that he was facing his son, "when your mother first told me that I had a son, I thought that we would have years together, to discover and to trust and to love one another. I was wrong."

Jacen nodded, remembering those few precious days when he had known what it was like to have a father.

_from the moment you were born ..._

He spoke to Obi-Wan. "But I still knew you, even before mom told me ... I felt it, deep inside."

Obi-Wan smiled. "And I knew you, though we had never met. The bond between parent and child is very strong. I was linked to you before your birth, but I never knew it until I saw you with your mother on Tatooine all those years ago."

_... I have lost you_

By this time the Force had become impatient and it nudged the aged jedi repeatedly as he spoke.

Obi-Wan sighed. He could not ignore it for much longer.

_now I've found you ..._

"I do not have much time left. As long as I was needed, I have been able to stay anchored to this world." Obi-Wan gazed proudly at his now-grown son. "But now that my time here is done, I must go."

Jacen nodded, comprehension dawning in his eyes. "I understand," was all he said.

_... let me feel_

Obi-Wan felt his heart wrench for his son. After all he had been through and still he lost his father a second time. But not exactly lost, for Jacen would never be alone.

"I love you, Jacen. And I will always be with you."

Jacen was too overcome with emotion to say anything, but Obi-Wan felt his son's love and gratitude through the Force.

_your heart ..._

This time Obi-Wan did not resist as the Force called to him. He looked into Jacen's bright blue eyes and felt a rare contentment as he thought, 'My son'. Then he let go of his hold on the world and surrendered to the infinity of the Force.

Jacen watched through tears as his father disappeared. In the instant that he vanished, a warming sensation of sorrow mixed with pride and love surrounded and permeated Jacen's being, causing his heart to overflow with anguished joy.

_... let me hear_

He smiled and found himself alone in the silent forest. But not quite alone. A joyful melody reached his ears, reminding him of his friends who were with the furry ewoks, waiting for him.

Jacen glanced briefly at the spot where his father had stood. Smiling, he turned and walked back the way he had come, allowing the music to be his guide as he vanished within the deep shadows of the dark forest.

_your song ..._


End file.
